i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
