u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
