she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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