Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
