Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
