I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
