I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
