I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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