Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
