She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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