fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
