You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't think brook has ever known best
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
