I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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