i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
