i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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