I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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