he tried to breastfeed my turtle
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
