did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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