sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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