Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
