I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
