I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
