brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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