I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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