Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
