Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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