I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
