We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
