My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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