the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
