Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
