so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
