haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
