I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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