he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
