If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
