Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
false alarm. still invincible.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
