i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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