My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
