I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
