wrigley field is MILF paradise
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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