call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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