im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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