did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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