My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
