one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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