A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
