Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
