i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
