Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
